This extremely relevant post hit my feed not ten minutes after my last post. Check it out. It’s good stuff. We cannot encourage discrimination or we will one day face the same discrimination.
This seems to be the question and the argument of too many Christian parents. Let me break it down for you. Biblically.
“Momma, why are those two men kissing?”
“Because they love each other.”
Period. End of discussion. Because that should be all that matters. Do you run around as a parent and point at people saying “Look, little Johnny, that man’s a sinner. We hate sinners!”? No. of course not. So why do it in this situation?
Now, let’s say you have an older kid…one who has been hearing all manner of talk of sin and is just starting to study the Bible. Try this:
“Mom, why are those two men kissing?”
“Because they love each other.”
“But that’s a sin.”
“So is lying, dear.”
“But we aren’t supposed to lie.”
“No, we aren’t. We aren’t supposed to sin, but we do. And God and Jesus love us anyway and have commanded that we do likewise.”
“But aren’t we supposed to try NOT to sin?”
“Yes. But Jesus didn’t say “love only those who are trying not to sin”, did he? He said love one another. All of you.”
Now…if you’re me and you have the relationship with the kids around you that I do, the rest goes something like this:
“Do you think it’s a sin?”
“No. But I think hate is.”
“Don’t you hate puppy kickers.”
“Yes, but the Big Guy told me that was okay.”
As a Southerner I’ve kind of ignored the whole Paula Deen thing. Not because I don’t care, but because I feel that the stone throwers out there are “progressives” who have lost touch with the history of race in America, specifically in the South. I feel like people are masking symptoms and ignoring the complexities of the human mind and heart. I feel like the only places that I’ve ever had a meaningful discussion about race with anyone not my own was the bookstore where I worked with a brilliant manager who was my demographic opposite. African American and male. We are, however, both Southern and that matters. It does. The fact that Paula is Southern MATTERS.
Progressives have not been kind to the South. We are, a century after they really got underway, seeing the detriment in giving someone a fish instead of teaching them to fish. Race and class lines are worse, not better. Violence and exclusion have simply shifted forms. But there are good things too. A decent sized percentage of the population (at least in the upper South) has been brought together by that common enemy. And while we are small, we are willing to talk about the tough subjects, admit that we are human, help each other stumble through it, and strive to be better for all the awkward dialogue.
Maria Dixon has written a beautiful editorial that sums up how I feel without any ranting. I am sharing it with you. I hope that you will find it as thought provoking and meaningful as I have.
“Different is just…different.”
I’ve decided to tackle the topic of race. I think that, thanks to history, political correctness, and humanity’s (erroneous) determination that they are not animals, we’ve hindered ourselves from any useful sort of dialogue. Now before I get a whole bunch of criticism, yes, I’m a white girl. I’m a white girl raised in the American South, in one of the worst counties in my state. I’m also a white girl with an African American sister, friends from all walks of life, and a serious set of blinders. My family has called me colorblind with more than a little accuracy. Most of them have said it like it’s a bad thing.
Racism is kind of a big deal where I’m from. Other regions look down their noses at us because our racial lines have long been defined around the idea of whiteness. As a US history student, I’m actually a little sick of hearing about whiteness. It’s constricting, far too convenient, and really only applies to specific groups of people. Pseudo-intellectuals bandy the word around like they do gender. As if concepts of masculine and feminine are universal standards. BAH. Whiteness isn’t a universal standard either. But Otherness…oh, otherness is.
While racism is a topic that is particularly relevant to me and the region in which I grew up, I would like to go on record and point out that we certainly don’t have the market cornered on it. Racism (more accurately discrimination) has existed, and continues to exist, in all parts of the world. As an American, some of the most racist people I’ve ever met were not from the South. They were Northern urbanites. The United States may be more of a melting pot than other places, but that doesn’t mean everyone is happy about it or that they were. Sectionalism, nationalism, and good old-fashioned human entitlement have created a racial climate pock-marked with ugly, festering heads. Only some of which have been black and white. In the urban landscapes of the north, ethnicity has been just as important, just as ugly, but for some reason, if an Irish someone sneers at an Italian someone, they’re not nearly as bad as the white, Anglo-Saxon protestant in the South who sneers at an African American. (And I can hear the defense now, cause I’ve heard it before, but the Irish didn’t enslave the Italian. They didn’t have Jim Crow and lynch mobs. Doesn’t matter. A sin is a sin is a sin, right?)
Don’t get me wrong, I want to punch them both in the face. There’s no such thing as race. Race is a social construct. If there is race at all, there’s only one, the human race. Now you can divide the rest up any way that you want. Ethnicity, nationality. People like to use racism only when an obvious physical difference in ethnicity can be seen. Skin color is the laziest, but people will also use accent, hair type, and build. Race has also been defined around region and religion, but “smart” people will call this ethnicity now. They’ve blurred the lines so well that good people don’t know what intellectual evils they’re fighting.
Honestly, it’s all the same thing.
At their most harmless, people like to organize things and define them. The Judeo-Christian creation story includes Adam naming the animals. The Islamic Creation story is almost identical, but has Allah telling Adam the names of the animals. Labels are important to people, and their worst they are used to justify horrible, horrible acts. Racial and ethnic labels are just geographic and cultural organizations. The scientific racists, the social darwinists, and the poor, stupid inheritors of that well-conceived but poorly applied ideology seem to like the biological approach.
Most days, so do I.
Human beings are scientifically classified thusly:
Species: H. sapiens
There is nothing to further divide us by phenotype or genotype. We aren’t divided into subspecies or breeds like horse, cats, dogs, other domesticated creatures. Maybe we should be. Maybe if we were, we could talk about our differences as matters of fact rather than matters of superiority or division. Should one be “better” than another. No, not spiritually, not legally. But are some folks better suited to things than others…well sure. Physical facts exist and some of those are because of where our ethnic group evolved.
The loudest shouting folks say that phenotypes (outside physical characteristics) don’t matter, we are all biologically the same. Well…we aren’t. Biologically speaking. Some of us have different pigments, different body types, different diseases, blah blah blah. These differences are biological and evolutionary. This means they developed based on needs for survival. Many of these needs were geographic and climate based. It’s not a big deal. It’s just a thing. It means that my African-American sister Aries may need sunblock, but not nearly as much as I do. It also means that I have stick straight hair that won’t hold a curl and that she can do amazingly elaborate things to hers. Big flipping deal.
The comparison is a no-brainer, but people don’t like it. People need to feel superior to the rest of creation. (Hundreds of Creation Stories confirm this.) Human beings are better than animals. They are not animals…pay no attention to that pesky Kingdom classification.
The Scientific Classification for the Wild Horse is:
Species: E. ferus
It further divides into three subspecies which include the domesticated horse and the myriad shapes, colors, and constitutions therein. They can all breed with one another, they all possess certain characteristics in common, and at the end of the day they are all HORSES.
This shouldn’t be a stretch for folks, really. If, for all their differences of both phenotype and genotype, the Arabian–with its dainty feet, flared nostrils, and love of sand–and the Clydesdale–with its giant feet, shaggy coat, and love of cold weather–are the same species then why on earth do human beings look at themselves as completely separate from one another based on the same set of criteria???
Well, I’ll tell you. Human beings did not survive as long as they have by being friends with each other. Oh, no. They survived because they were exclusive, not inclusive. Kinship and religion were the first (and are still the most powerful) ways that they sectioned themselves off. Outsiders were liabilities. They brought newness. Newness could destroy the fabric of codependency so necessary for hunting together, gathering together, and breeding. Newness became Otherness and Otherness, my friends…that is the fear that rules the whole dang world.
People on this planet are born fearing the Other. From the time we’re old enough to toddle through the house or yard on our own, it’s in there. That need for the approval of our parents, our siblings. That drive to belong, to not be other. It’s a survival mechanism. You think the rebellious cave-child lived long when it decided to buck the status quo and do its own thing?? Nope. It died, starved in the cold without passing along that rebellious independent gene. You want your social Darwinism? There it is.
Belonging has for millennia been the device that propelled the species forward. If you belonged you were safe, well fed, mated. Those who belonged produced the next generation of little knuckle-draggers just begging to…you guessed it. Belong.
Others, however, they were not to be trusted. I mean come on…why didn’t they belong somewhere? They must be bad. Maybe their group kicked them out, or maybe they brought calamity and their group was destroyed. Didn’t matter. Different people don’t belong. And large groups of different people spell catastrophe.
So humans had two choices: destroy the others or make them belong. “Make them.” See that…that’s coercion. By physical force or the threat of survival. It’s forced. And it isn’t always easy. Not everyone wants to give up their belonging (even upon threat of death) and become what they have always viewed as other. And the requirements for belonging are always defined only by the victor.
Racism is the application of this “other:belonging” duality. It’s the result of the world getting smaller. Because physical differences (like we discussed with the horses) develop based on environment, it was not likely that people with dramatically difference physical traits would encounter each other. It’s not really rocket science. Think back on how “primitives” looked at anything that departed the norm: hair color, eye color, disfigurements. The unfortunate bearer of these traits was either revered or reviled. In a great many cases, physical differences were a death sentence.
Modern racism is the just the same sordid thing. Human beings are pack creatures, always have been, always will be. You don’t take out a mammoth on your own, folks, and a human against a lion without the aid of technology is just lunch. Humans wouldn’t have survived to become the dominant pestilence on the planet were it not for strong drives toward social collectives, divisions of labor, and bureaucratic stratification. Technology would be nothing more than a really good rock, and a really nice stick. Do you think humans would have started smelting if left to forage for food all day? Nope. They wouldn’t have had time. But they gathered around communal fires, shared food, and divided up the labor. Pretty soon, few could feed many, and the many could divide up the duties to advance the species. Hello, better weapons!
The very nature of human evolution has created a world where different is scary and belonging is paramount. Judging someone on their external characteristics is just an expression of old, inherited fears, and basic survival drives. It is sad, and frustrating, and makes me want to hit things, but that’s the why of it folks.
Human beings are nothing more than they’ve ever been. Two hundred thousand years and all that’s changed is the stuff that they make.
I hope, for originality’s sake if nothing else, that this will be last time I address homosexuality for a while. Not because it is an unworthy topic, but because its level of controversy is but a symptom of a much larger problem. One that I will only briefly begin to touch on below.
It is interesting to me how marriage camps define themselves as hetero- or homo- sexual, but you don’t see any campaigns teaching our young people how to be in a loving, honest, committed relationship of any kind, or how to find themselves or the right person before entering into a commitment. We need to teach family and relationship values, timeless elements that have absolutely nothing to do with gender or sexuality. We need to teach parenting, not what a father or a mother does. Those ideas have changed since humans moved from caves to farms to cities. But kids…? Kids still need the essentials. We should teach those.
My parents were not hung up on gender roles. Don’t get me wrong. Da was and remains a very Southern man. He is the breadwinner, the backyard farmer, and has a shop where he can make everything from welding projects to carpentry projects to his own bullets. Mostly, though, he uses it as his space, for tossing a few back, grilling out, and generally hanging out with Sundance and listening to classic rock. Still, when it came to raising a daughter, he totally stepped out of tradition. We talked about boys, relationships, my period, and bras.
Mum has always been a whole nother story. She’s a tomboy, raised with/by three brothers, she was tough as nails when I was growing up, always outside, always rough housing, and always fixing something. When our washer broke, she and I took it apart and fixed it. Same with the go-cart, the lawnmower, the vcr…I could go on. Da was not threatened by this any more than he was her propensity to not wear a bra, or make up, or fix her hair up pretty. Mum did not think him less of a man because he and his daughter talked clothes and boots and he couldn’t gut a home appliance and put it back together and have it working.
It is because of my parents that I first began separating Church and State. I didn’t realize it at the time, of course, I was twelve, and much more concerned with the fact that Da’s horse Confederate was sick. Having some bad blood between her and the local vet, Mum called one from the next county over, a lady with whom she’d gone to school. It was late. The lady asked if she could bring her significant other and their kids. Mum said, of course, and when she hung the phone she proceeded to prep us for meeting our first gay family. It went something like this:
“Dr. Vet is gay and I don’t want anyone acting like jack asses to her or her family.”
Confusion from me and my brother. Brooding from Da.
“Uh…I don’t care that she’s gay. She is coming to help Confederate, right?” Me
As always I looked to Da for confirmation. He nodded.
My brother only wanted to know how many kids she had and if they could play in the pasture.
Sundance and I ended up with babysitting duty.
I don’t remember thinking much about them or their “sin.” The two ladies were perfectly nice and had raised polite, kind, and intelligent children (a rarer and rarer thing these days). Mum and Mrs. Dr. Vet talked about animals and kids while Dr. Vet and Da took care of Confederate. Dr. Vet was good people, and her family was more than welcome on our property. We did not treat them politely and with respect in spite of their lifestyle. We treated them as they treated us and with gratitude for caring for one of ours. I guess my folks figured if they weren’t judging us for our skeletons, we wouldn’t be judging them. It wasn’t as if they were trying to convert anyone. And neither were we.
If you don’t want your kids growing up around homosexuality, pay more attention to them, control their environment. And their environment does not include the entire country. Most faiths renounce a large part of the world and popular culture. Christians are expressly told that they are “not of this world.” (a favorite passage of mine, to be sure)
This is no different. If I were a Christian parent, I wouldn’t let my kids go to see certain movies, listen to certain music, read certain books, or hang out with people who I thought might harm them (We aren’t discussing the fact that I wouldn’t actually do most of this, but if I can ban my imaginary daughter from reading Stephanie Meyer, then I can understand Christian parents choosing their own list of things to restrict). In America, parents have that right.
What parents (of any group) do NOT have the right to do is legally dictate the rights and privileges of other groups. Especially when those groups are simply demanding the same rights that the parents themselves expect. Should we protect our children? Absolutely, but that starts at home, with your family, your community, and the values that you instill in your children. They are not to be raised by the government, the schools, or the county rec league. We should be teaching them to be respectful and compassionate. Notice that there’s not direct object in that sentence? That’s right. Not “to <insert group here>”, children should be taught a basic level of common decency if we are ever to stop squabbling amongst ourselves over petty differences.
As religious cultures become increasingly divisive, the human race loses precious evolutionary ground. Even worse, spirituality takes the flack. Faith becomes the “problem”. Sacredness is the disease.
And the world is going to suck if nothing is sacred. Ever. I would rather everything be sacred. Now, we can get into a discussion about that if you’d like, and likely I will in another post, but I imagine that’s a doozy. The very nature of the sacred and the Sacred…subjectivity versus objectivity…I can feel small brains collapsing like ancient stars even now, so I’ll wrap this up and make it simple:
The misuse of religion (such as in the opposition of basic civil rights) equates religion with the lowest forms of humanity. It drags us into our past, where religion has been the tool of racists, bigots, extremists, and hatemongers. It keeps humans in the darkness of all their past crimes. It also takes a very small (if misguided) leap for those fed up with the whole thing to toss Faith out right along with religion…the unfortunate baby with the bathwater. Our world, however, has become increasingly faithless, secular if you want to sort of correctly use a word that I only kind of like. And. This. Is. Bad. If humanity has any hope of being anything more than what it is, then it is imperative that human beings spend some of their lives (often, if you ask me) contemplating something (ANYTHING!) greater than themselves. Because if we are the pinnacle of existence, then “I weep for the species.”
Interestingly, before I began this blog, my facebook feed was filled with the kind of politicized cultural Christian trash that I hate. To be fair, I live in North Carolina and grew up in South Carolina, so this week in particular has been buzzing with people telling me how to vote on North Carolina’s Amendment 1. Of course I was disappointed with the end results of the voting, but I live here; I was not surprised.
Since I have stepped out in faith to begin sharing my thoughts, I have seen a few posts pop up from other friends that I positively love. I have been encouraged by these and would like to share them. I have not yet had the opportunity to peruse the entirety of either blog, so I am not going to jump on a wagon and tell you to ride it too. Just that I’m interested in reading more from these sources. I have read the specific articles to which I will link, and I really enjoyed them. I encourage you to check both of these out and know that I will be reading much, much more at God is Not a Republican and Ms. Evan’s blog. And I will be getting my hands on the GINAR book.
For Every Christian that Opposes Gay Rights-God is Not a Republican a brief, but thoughtful note on our topic yesterday
How to Win a Culture War and Lose a Generation-Rachel Held Evans, a note that also speaks on the topic of NC’s amendment 1.