Well, if you haven’t figured it out by now, I write when I’m angry. Or upset. Or inspired. But that last is for my novels and doesn’t find its way here. I have been processing a LOT. I’m still pretty angry with the whole group if I think too much about it, but after nearly three decades of trying to change people who do not want to change, I realized that I need to put them out of my mind.
The sad truth is, I needed to come to my startling (to me at least) revelations because I carry so much guilt for the way that I feel about that side of my family. I hate that love them some days. I hate that I don’t want to be around them…ever. I have too long let my dislike of these characters make me feel as they wanted me to, like I’m bad for it.
So at some point, I made some serious (if humorous) realizations. I informed my husband that I’m like Lot and simply need to turn away from all the wickedness of that place. Then I re-read Genesis 19 and remembered why I sometimes have trouble with the Bible. So, no, I’m not Lot, offering up innocents to assuage the sin of others and to protect people (angels) who don’t need it. (And do NOT get me started on the whole “I was drunk and didn’t know I was having sex with my daughters” thing).
So I’m not Lot, but I do need to leave Sodom. And I need to not look back.